Why do the Republican presidential candidates remind me of a remake of that old Disney flick, Snow White?
It is probably because they're all perfectly cast.
Right wing politics has never been such a laugh.
Snow White, of course, is the lovely Minnesota Representative, Michelle Bachmann.
Rick Santorum plays Sleepy and, in a part ideally suited for him, Newt (the Grump) Gingrich dazzles as Grumpy.
Doc, of course, is Doctor Ron Paul while only 1 wannabe can play Happy, Happy Herman.
Huntsman plays himself, a voice lost in the wilderness while Candidate Perry is straight out of Hollywood casting as Dopey.
And, John Kerry, poorly masked as Mitt Romney makes yet another attempt at the Prize, this time as Sneezy.
So , how are they doing?
As the candidates head towards the Iowa caucuses , it's become very clear that the cold blasts of an inhospitable political landscape will freeze what a flicker of life Sleepy and Grumpy have left.
Snow White, whose voices in her head entreated her to run for President, will fall into her normal semi-comatose intellectual condition as it becomes clear to everybody on the planet but her that it wasn't God talking to her, after all. The voices will continue to be there, certainly, but the good folks of Minnesota's 6th Congressional District surely will sleep well at night knowing that their favorite Tea Partier will be safe in the hallowed halls of Congress where so many of her fellow legislators hear the same voices.
Doc, the oldest Dwarf, heard humming 'Starry-Starry Night ' in a recent debate, will continue to make his fans' skin tingle. His claim to fame is being the same fellow who once sought 400 million dollars in federal earmarks, then voted against the bill in which it appeared.
More lately, he has promised to eliminate the departments of Energy, Education, Commerce, Interior, and Housing and Urban Development while legalizing all drugs. When you think about it, it's sensible to get rid of the Department of Education because everybody will be too zoned out on meth to study anyway.
Happy exploded onto the top of the Republican polls like a ray of bright daylight, laser targeted on a tax reform plan that's stunning in its simplicity: 999. Yea! Wow! went his growing legions of fans. A Republican contender with a genuine tax reform plan. Then, one of those nit-picking educated types had the audacity to run the numbers to find out how Americans would be affected.
Adding insult to injury, some computer games pointed out that a 999 tax plan started with a computer game, SIM City, offending Happy Herbert mightily. Instead, it's more likely it came from the multibillionair Koch brothers who have made it clear Happy is one of their favorite people who want to be President.
However, back to the numbers. Turns out 999 would raise the taxes for 80% of families in America but give the richest of the rich a billion dollar annual tax windfall.
Oops. It's one thing to build America's tax structure around a video game but quite another for this poor Dwarf to get cold-koched by the Brothers Koch.
Poor Huntsman. Went to the Wilderness in China, worked for that Commie-Socialist Kenyan Muslim who he now hopes to replace. Didn't help himself with his sacrilegious heresy that The Party shouldn't run away from science. What was he thinking?
And, my favorite, there's lovable Dopey. The kid who scored C's and D's in school but looked really snazzy as a cheerleader.
Last but not least, there's the John Kerry look-alike, Sneezy. For women's rights to choose before he was against it. Against Obamacare though it sure looks like Romneycare.
One moment, sneezes to the left; next moment, sneezes to the right.
Got filthy rich purchasing corporations, downsizing them, selling their assets to make a quick buck, firing lots and lots of the unwashed and unkempt. But, he's finely quaffed. Merely a regular guy.
Seven Dwarfs. Snow White.
About the Author:
As Lincoln once pointed out, 'A house divided against itself cannot stand" and today America is putting that warning to the political test . Can todays' debate politics rise about its comic cast of characters or should we simply chill and enjoy the flick?